Dear Baby William,

Your current eviction date of February 5, 2010 has been set for 9 months and has now past. In the last few months I understand that you have become extremely comfortable in your dwelling (although you haven't been acting that way the last two weeks). Unfortunately, I did not discuss some of the key points of your lease with you.

The late night dance parties were not discussed in your lease, and they have been keeping me awake through the night.

The blockage of a numerous amount of pipes and the leaking of others has to be put to an end!

Also, as far as adding square footage to the dwelling, we discussed a reasonable addition. You have surpassed that by much more than we discussed, the last month has especially been a problem.

I have prepared another home for you to reside, so don't let house hunting be the reason you stay where you are. Since your eviction date has come and gone, please note that if you don't exit soon I will have to use forceful measures to remove you (which won't be comfortable for either of us). I would like for this transition to be as painless and quick as possible. Please don't make this any harder than it has to be.

Love you,

Mommy